Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Tourette's Is A Bitch

So, batshit insane fundie monkey Pat Robertson, upset that he hasn't been in the spotlight for a while, said it would be a good idea for the US to assassinate Hugo Chavez. Robertson's stated reasons? Well, for one, apparently Chavez is an exporter of not just Communism, but also Islamic extremism! Also, apparently the Monroe Doctrine gives the US the authority to do whatever shit it wants to in Latin America (a theory which we have run with ever since those words were laid down by James Monroe, to the great detriment of pretty much everybody but a few oligarchs), and when you couple that with the fact that Venezuela has oil, shit, nigger's gotta go!

Robertson, who is nothing more than a turd with eyes all a-squinty, is, as we all know, a grade B attention whore. Sure, he used to be at the top of the list, but he's been replaced by, well, another motherfucker who prefers beating his dog to owning a racehorse. It has to make you wonder why people still pay attention to him, when he goes on drooling in that self-righteous, nasal, way, accent and content reminiscent of nothing more than a slaver owner. And the answer, of course, is that Robertson's colleagues, the religious right, are nothing short of clinically insane, with some sort of condition analogous to Tourette's: you have no goddamned idea what shit is going to spew out of their twisted, smug little mouths. And Robertson, in particular, has refused treatment for so long that he's got less control than the bloated corpse of Jerry Falwell.

Cause, if I'm not mistaken, if Pat Robertson were named Mohammed Bokhari, we would've labeled that motherfucker's comments as an insidious "fatwa" and denounced terrorism one more time. It's the same sort of thing as the death sentence given to Salman Rushdie, which conservatives love to hang over the head of Islam. After all, it's not like batshit whackjob Christian leaders ever did the sort of thing batshit whackjob Muslim leaders have, now is it? Oh, townhall.com would be full of dipshit ramblings about how Islam is a wicked faith and how we cannot abide by these terrorist comments. Instead, expect a number of motherfuckers, Ann Coulter's saggy, smelly cunt among them, to lead to Robertson's defense. Principle is not something in the wingnut arsenal.

But it's a good thing others of us have it, or we might push to say that Pat Robertson's sorry ass should forfeit his right to free speech, in much the same way conservatives go on and on about any public figure that offends their oh so delicate sensibilities. After all, Robertson's urging the US to engage in terrorism solely because it's "cheaper than starting a war" (something Pat might want to keep in mind next time a broke-ass group like the Palestinians engages in terrorism rather than trying to fight a full out war against one of the best equipped armies in the world). And he's pushing for something that's patently illegal, thanks to a few executive orders. We could line up and down to condemn him, to ask that he be sanctioned. It's just too bad Robertson isn't as fat as Michael Moore, or we could really mimic the right. It would be a grand, grand spectacle, but it's one that we won't engage in, except for one thing: when it's not their speech that's under fire, the right likes to remind us that free speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences. And so, let us say one final "Fuck you" to bitchass motherfucker Pat Robertson and anyone who buys what the dirtbag has to say or who defends him.

And meanwhile, Hugo Chavez had the best response one can have to someone who acts the bully out of a desperate need to relieve his shame over his small, small little penis. Remember what your mom said about those little pissants back in elementary school? All you need to do is ignore the bitches. And Chavez's comment? "I don't even know who that person is." Ouch.