Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Why Bill O'Reilly Needs To Be Sodomized With Several Microphones

On Friday's O'Reilly Factor, the top two stories were Missing White Girl #34983. This featured the quote, "Natalee Holloway is the all-American girl, a good student, good daughter, good friend. Her disappearance is simply horrible. And most parents feel the pain of her family. We can all picture that happening to us."

Then there're two on fucking Michael Jackson, including one which probably discussed how prisoners really are coddled, despite their claims otherwise (there's no transcript, but this is Bill O'Reilly we're talking about). This is largely because Bill has no problem with the idea of a large, muscular man coming up to him and forcefully sodomizing him until he bleeds after gagging him with a falafel. Afterwards, there's a flashback segment entitled "Is cheerleading too sexy?" This presumably involved a healthy argument over "breaking it down".

When O'Reilly starts "discussing the sexing up of high school cheerleading with our guests," I tend to think the discussion would go in a way that would violate certain decency laws, don't you? And there's a theme here, because he's also talked about Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan this week.

On Thursday, O'Reilly started by talking about how Howard Dean "can't help" being "nonsensical." And for the past few weeks, he's been calling for Dean to appear on the O'Reilly Factor. Wednesday also featured O'Reilly's claim that "There is no question that America's image in much of the world is bad. That's caused by a dishonest press, combined with President Bush's passive public relations stance." Passive in the sense that the syphilis-ridden prostitute who's riding you is passive, sure. On Tuesday, O'Reilly called Joe Biden an "enabler" of "jihadists" for making "every small scandal" into a "page one story or a book."

Come to think of it, maybe several microphones isn't enough...after all, this is the same O'Reilly who promised to never trust the Bush administration again if WMDs didn't materialize, who constantly decries the lack of attention paid by the media to stories that concern you, yet who focuses on Michael Jackson instead of, say, the Downing Street Memo, and who constantly compares Michael Moore, abortionists, and Al Franken to Nazis while bemoaning how he's slandered and attacked by his opponents.

And what was featured Friday on "The Radio Factor"? Hour 1: Missing White Girl. Hour 2: Michael Jackson. So where are the claims about how Natalie Holloway was molested by Michael Jackson before he organized her school's trip to Aruba so she couldn't testify against him? Come on, Bill, bring it all home.

Update: s.z. notes this part of Thursday's "Talking Points Memo": "As you may know, we do not speculate here on "The Factor." We have no idea what happened to Natalee or why she left the bar with some Aruban men. I've heard some irresponsible media speculate about that, and it makes me angry." But speculating that they actually did sometihng to Natalee (which he does by characterizing them as lowlifes) or, for that matter, almost anything else O'Reilly has ever said, is totally ok.