Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Well Whoop-Dee-Doo

So what is George Bush going to say tonight? What can he say? Can he honestly do anything at this point to change the widening perception of him as an incompetant boob and his war in Iraq as a miserable failure? Is there a single word that can come out of his mouth that can change the tide of the public turning on him, looking at him like jackels eyeing their suddenly weakened leader?

It's like this. Suppose you're dating this guy. Sure, he's nice enough and all, but something just seems odd. He's just not that interested in you in bed, but he denies it all, saying how much he loves you and wants to be with you. One day, you discover a fucking fur suit in his closet. Sure, maybe it's for a costume, but who the hell keeps a fur suit around? So you dig around, ask his pals and the friend that set you two up. They mention that sometimes he likes to wear it around the house, goes on trips with it. You take a closer look the next time you're over, and there's crusty stains all over it. It all starts coming together, but no, no, that can't be it, there have to be other explanations: maybe it was for Halloween, and he spilled something and never got it cleaned. Maybe it's part of a big practical joke. Perhaps he used to be one of those damned mascots. There's lots of things it could be, right?

Then you return home, and find your door open, with his coat hanging from the door. Oh, but that's not just it; on the bed, there's your favorite teddy bear, with a slit cut at the crotch and those all-too-familiar stains all over it. He comes back, to get the coat, and you're standing there holding the recently violated Mr. Wiggles. So what does the fucker do? After you start stuttering in anger, he starts telling you about how this is a big misunderstanding. Then he gets simultaneously mad and sad, and in his old, pathetic way, asks why you're turning on him, why you aren't there for him, how this is just a phase, how he can change, not that he did anything wrong, but he can change, and really, if you think about it, there are many, many worse, more disturbing fetishes in the world, and it's not like he's out there raping anyone like other people do, right? After all, you liked him until this business came up, he still likes you, he just wants to fuck furry things every now and then. Staying the course is better for everyone, really, he says, and eventually, it'll get out of his system and everything can be nice and normal and then won't you be glad you stayed with him?

So now it's on you. Do you stand there listening to him, letting him back into your life? Or do you throw his perverted ass out and make it clear if he goes near you ever again, you're going to tear his balls off and call the cops?

What's Bush going to say tonight? There's the list of predictable things: we're opening schools, they had elections, the insurgents hate freedom, no more rape rooms, etc. Just a little more, and everything will be ok. All we need are a few more of your sons and dollars, just until the Iraqi ARVN can finish getting its shit together. Staying the course is better for everyone, really, and Iraq will be nice and peaceful and we can withdraw and won't you be glad you listened to him?

So what do we do with this wanker?

Tomorrow: Bush's wankery and why Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia need to get laid, fast.

Update: The Rude One seems to have posted on exceedingly similar lines.