Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Name That Motherfucker

Ok, since I'm pretty clueless about what's been happening in the world other than this filibuster thing, I'll let you play with some administration and enabling Motherfuckers while I get all caught up and angry.

1) This motherfucker thinks leg-pulping is on the same level as that staple of elementary school bullies everywhere, the wet willy:

"My take is that the US military is performing very well in terrible situations, and the abuse is the exception rather than the rule. But we're living in an age where if someone tweaks a prisoner's ear it's on the front page. And I think that's undermining the war on terror."

Anyone got a microphone handy?

2) "I have talked with the president about his faith, which, I can tell you, is rock solid. You may dislike the president’s policies, but challenging this man’s faith in this way—no, that’s out of order."

However, if the man is a sitting Senator running for president, it's perfectly alright.

Hint: This motherfucker found Jesus while being sodomized for another's sins. So really, he's just like Jesus, but with more ass sex.

3) This motherfucker thinks FDR was Stalin's ideological brother:

"Democracy and capitalism seem to have triumphed. But, appearances can be deceiving. Instead of celebrating capitalism’s virtues, we offer it grudging acceptance, contemptuous tolerance, but only for its capacity to feed the insatiable maw of socialism. We do not conclude that socialism suffers from a fundamental flaw. We conclude instead that its ends are worthy of any sacrifice – including our freedom...1937...marks the triumph of our own socialist revolution."

But on the plus side, Motherfucker #3 will soon have a new job battling back the forces of Marxism-Rooseveltism!

4) Motherfucker #4 demonstrates the type of connection to reality that has led to accolades for (s)he:

"He's wrong about Safire, of course; there were amply documented links between Saddam's Iraq and al Qaeda and other terrorist groups, which we've written about many times."

Bonus: This motherfucker adds "To my knowledge, Krugman's principal critics--most notably, Donald Luskin--have been scrupulously accurate in their criticisms, and have not engaged in the statistical sleight-of-hand to which Krugman is addicted."

Of course, whenever this motherfucker says "To my knowledge," it gives him all the freedom in the world to pull shit out of his/her oversized ass, since we all know (s)he doesn't actually know anything.

5) This motherfucker feels such an attraction to the same gender that if gay marriage were legalized, (s)he just doesn't know what (s)he would do:

"Yes, absolutely. It threatens my marriage. It threatens all marriages. It threatens the traditional values of this country."

Well, ok, then we know Nazis would be somehow involved. And at least this motherfucker can be glad no one's agitating for dog marriage, else there'd be even bigger issues.

6) Our last motherfucker continues to give us no evidence that (s)he is not actually a lapdog (and a rather stupid one at that), meaning (s)he'd better make sure (s)he's far enough away from Rick Santorum and James Dobson:

"The Constitution said 'advise and consent,' and that's the role of the United States Senate, not 'advise and block.'"

So to this motherfucker, there's not even really a need for a Senate vote, cause they're going to consent anyway, y'know, under the Constitution.