Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Israel And Palestine Have Nothing On This Shit

That's right, it's time to hear about the Clenis. Now, for those of you who aren't aware (for whatever reason), "Clenis" is a contraction of "Clinton's penis." Now the Clenis, it seems, is responsible for everything from bin Laden to the drug problems in this country. Oh, there's more, there's more...but it's not that important. What is important is that the Clenis continues to play an important role, not only in our society, but in the discourse on the right.

Christ, it's going to be 150 years down the road and we'll still hear conservatives screaming, almost to the point of orgasm, about how hard they've been fucked by the Clenis. I think it qualifies as a fantasy at this point, with them thinking about the hard, erect Clenis, blown in the Oval Office, nailing them hard up the ass.

Our first stop is with the slimy toadcunt herself, Ann Coulter, who would need to be long dead before I, let alone a player like Bill, would put my penis anywhere near her (maybe by then the Adam's Apple will have shriveled up). Ann's contribution to the Newsweek wankfest has to do with the Clenis.

See, one of the major factors in the Clinton "scandals" (and good lord, I can't even bring myself to call anything the last administration did a scandal after what we've been through with these raging shitheads...it's like calling someone rubbing his penis around your ass an anal raping after you've been in prison with some big white supremacist fucks who get you into a corner in the shower) was the press, particularly one Michael Isikoff, who you might recognize as the unreliable source-using motherfucker who was also responsible for Newsweek's latest debacle, not that you'd hear that from the screeching harpies on the right.

Ann, however, isn't hiding from the fact that Isikoff was involved. In fact, she thinks he's an "ace" reporter. And the biggest problem with Newsweek in the past was that they just didn't let Isikoff run whatever poorly sourced shit he was spewing out (also, apparently it's true that Willey and Jones' allegations were all fact now...thanks Ann!). Ann doesn't want to blame Newsweek for the riots, because we all know how irritable Muslims are, and that's why we need to stripsearch anyone who looks like they might be a Muslim. But it's the double-standard, you see: Newsweek didn't just run Tales of the Clenis, but they did run this, despite them being by the same reporter. The fact that there were no new allegations in Isikoff's latest crusade to end journalism is apparently not relevant at all, which makes sense, if you think about how little facts usually are relevant in Ann's writing.

Our second and final stop on the Clenis Express comes courtesy of the always amazing s.z. over at World O'Crap. George Costanza look-alike Jay Bryant claims the Clenis is responsible for, well, anyone who thinks there's any kind of complexity or subtlety in the world, even if they're using that to lie. And we all know all of them are. But more than that, Clinton is responsible for Democrats hating Jesus by opposing Bush's judges. On the other hand, Bryant's column is sort of cool because it uses the word "whizzinator."

Where will the Clenis show its nefarious head next? Only time can tell, but I bet he's responsible for Putin backstabbing Bush on freedom.