Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Better Than Any Twelve Steps

The Bush administration has a lovely two-step programme for dealing with allegations that it fucked up. We've seen this employed on any number of issues, but it came with sudden speed this past weekend, when more and more criticism came from entities such as Amnesty International over our human rights record.

Step 1: Denial, denial, denial. In the face of all evidence, deny. It doesn't matter if your denial has as much credibility as Ron Jeremy claiming he's a virgin. Here we have Dick Myers sticking his head in the sand, saying "I can't hear you!":

Myers said the report was "absolutely irresponsible." He said the United States was doing its best to detain fighters who, if released, "would turn right around and try to slit our throats, slit our children's throats."

"This is a different kind of struggle, a different kind of war," Myers said on "Fox News Sunday."

"We struggle with how to handle them (the prisoners), but we've always handled them humanely and with the dignity that they should be accorded."
This begs the question: why do doctors hate America? Time to cancel that fucking malpractice reform, stat. But even the military has accepted we've mistreated detainees as Gitmo. Even the FBI got into the irresponsible allegations. Of course, Myers also kept insisting he hadn't read the Taguba report last May. And in December, he was caught claiming "This attack, of course, is the responsibility of insurgents, the same insurgents who attacked on 9/11." So Dick has his head in Bizarro World, saying "Me have great job." What, you didn't think these motherfuckers chose someone named Richard for this job for a reason? After all, what's the tool of the motherfucker?

Of course, in Bizarro World, the Bush administration is competant.

And I'm not even going to touch on the "detaining fighters who would turn around and slit our children's throats." It's too easy.

Step 2: Outrage. Dick Cheney is offended and shocked, just shocked. The very notion that the United States is not all sugar and spice and orgasm makes Dick's withered little heart cry out in pain. Despite the whistleblowers (which always seem to accompany a good coverup), despite the FBI memos, despite the fact that this load of shit is the neocon guide to Arab psychology, Cheney, stroke-victim smirk intact, still knows we are the Platonic ideal of good. Sweet lord, he's just continuing to show why he needs to be raped by Abu Ghraib and Gitmo detainees, anally violated by Sunni cock so forcefully that the pacemaker jumps off of his heart and lodges itself into his throat.

See, Dick, even if we ignored everything else, even if we somehow believed you on Gitmo, extraordinary rendition is still torture by proxy. Article 5 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states "No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment." Let's look at it this way. Suppose Dick Cheney meets a girl, let's call her Carla. He kidnaps Carla, but his shriveled, limp penis is incapable of fulfilling his basest fantasies. Fortunately, he knows another man, let's call him Islam, whom he knows hasn't gotten laid in a while. Islam has his way with Carla for hours and hours, never stopping, despite her wailing and teeth-gritting. Meanwhile, Dick sits in the corner, smiling, thinking about the good old days, when he was paid well to rape Somalians and Cambodians.

Now, might we not say Dick, not just Islam, has subjected Carla to sexual violation?

The really funny thing is that despite Dick saying "For Amnesty International to suggest that somehow the United States is a violator of human rights, I frankly just don't take them seriously," the White House invoked Amnesty repeatedly while talking about how awful Saddam was.