Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Friday, April 15, 2005

I write a letter

Bad Catholic pointed me to this Times story about how, with their direct line to Jesus, the Republicans have decided that the thought that preoccupies the mind of our Savior is "I needs to be getting my Chosen One's judges appointed, for they art blessed" for some shit like that. He's also readying to smite some Democrats for oppressing his people and player hating.

Sure, I could go on about this "Justice Sunday", about how James Dobson is as deep in the closet as a 3 year old pair of purple shoes, and about how the filibuster probably does not in fact makes baby Jesus cry (unlike pretty much everything else if you listen to these jackasses). But, well, the Rude Pundit beat me to it. So instead, in the manner of The General I decided to write Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, last seen slicing open some cats in the same of Christian science, a letter.

Majority Leader Bill Frist, MD
United States Senate

Dear Dr. Majority Leader Frist,

You cuntlicking, cat-butchering, fearmongering jackass, you! Oh, I'm just kidding. Some of these motherfuckers will in turn call you a motherfucker (since in the style of argumentation you're so familiar with, it "takes one to know one," which is why all the Republicans were so confused when John Kerry mentioned Mary Cheney being gay). Actually, I would be one of those motherfuckers, but I agree, nobody should have to choose between being a judge and being loved by the Lord.

But here's the thing. Your boy Tony Perkins said "They are being blocked because they are people of faith and moral conviction. These are people whose only offense is to say that abortion is wrong or that marriage should be between one man and one woman." And all of us, bitches and otherwise, agree that that's wrong (at least to bust out the filibuster). But so is the statement; most of these judges were blocked for refusing to fucking answer questions about anything, or for having expressed support for segregationists and favoring corporations over people. Now while this may seem like the most unbelievably unjust and tyrannical thing this side of Wisconsin proposing a cat-killing law to you, it's, well, not, you pandering cuntface.

Now I understand you and yours have a direct connection with the desires of Jesus, who clearly has judicial reform at the top of his agenda. I'm pretty sure it's in the Book of Shit You Pulled Out Of Your Ass that "Blessed are the judges, for they shall impose my will on all you hos, so back the fuck up." And I understand that in the grand tradition of doing away with tools you used against Bill Clinton, you want to remove the filibuster from the Democratic arsenal. But really, I think we know what this is about, first and foremost: you want to be president. You feel the judge debate needs more Jesus because, well, right now it doesn't have any. This isn't really being hidden at all.

You're all a bunch of whiny, cynical bitches, aren't you? You're getting your ass kicked on the filibuster issue. Next I expect to see Jesus brought out in the Social Security debate. Otherwise, you'll have lost a step, man.

Seriously, though, who do you think you're getting from this? This is completely insipid and insigificant. Do you think anyone who listens to child-beater Dobson isn't on your side already? Or is this just a big circle-jerk to boost morale? I have a hard time tell with you schmucks. It's not even worth the time to bring out statistics about how often the filibuster's been used or to delve into the far-reaching implications of what you're trying to do. The only thing you're worth is being spit on.

You can all go fuck yourselves. You'll have plenty of time to do it in a few years the way you're going.

Sincerely Yours,

Uncivil Discourse.