Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Adam's Apple Annie is...

Ok, so first things first. I need help with a suitable description for Ann Coulter, who is, contrary to public belief, not a cuntface or a cuntrag, just a cunt.

See, the problem is the Rude Pundit already has a series called "Why Ann Coulter is a Cunt," and I certainly don't want to cramp the Rude One's style. But other phrases just don't seem to match Annie, her Adam's Apple, and her hands the way "cunt" does. So, let's have our first Uncivil Discourse contest! Fill in the blank: "Ann Coulter is a ..." And if any of you bitches works in Coulter's vampire-like tendencies, waifishness, or Adam's Apple, you get bonus points.

Now, as to why I'm bringing up this worthless piece of humanity, who, if there were a just God, would have shriveled up and died long before we'd heard of her. Recall this is the woman who wrote a book called Slander, which is rather analogous to Bernie Goldberg writing one called Arrogance.

In any case, this half-human, half-female dog seems to be upset about getting pies thrown at her. Apparently being pied is getting "sucker punched" (which makes me wonder what the salad dressing bukkake, as a commentor at World O'Crap put it, Pat Buchanan got is). Oh, but Ann didn't just get sucker punched:

I was physically attacked this year. I hear MoveOn.org has a bounty for anyone who throws a pie in my face. Neither of those guys hit me. I think one is still in prison. It is a funny thing, that they ended up in prison—enjoying the benefits of gay marriage.

Ah, yes. Prison rape jokes. How throughly appropriate for a woman who can probably only get laid if she promises her victims they can violently penetrate her ass with a Coke bottle. Good lord, how disgusting is this person? There's nothing funny about prison rape, and the accompanied high risk of HIV infection, unless your mind is as soggy as a freshly used condom.

For some reason, Ann seems practically giddy at the thought of two men having unprotected anal sex. I think those blonde-hair chemicals have finally seeped into that wet sponge one might refer to as her "brain" and are inducing pornographic fantasies involving gay sex and domination of liberals. I can just see her wet dreams now. The young, brash liberal getting dominated by the strong, masculine white supremacist, who teaches him the errors of his ways...and the ways of love.

See, that has a better plot than most porn. I think we have a new career path for the Appled one. Certainly it would be better for us than what she's doing now; reading her writing is as tedious, painful, and futile as trying to fuck her while not impaling yourself on her hip bones, given the woman's never met a hyperbole she wouldn't suck on like her mother's nipple.

Oh god, I think I just had a horrible mental image. Damn you, Coulter!

Edit: Speaking of batshit insanity and getting sucker punched by pies, Sadly, No! has a post on D-Ho (Brad's nickname for that small-dicked savior of academia, David Horowitz...and Brad, I'm horribly jealous I didn't come up with that). Here's a question: If we locked the vampire corpse of Coulter and the bloated ego of Horowitz in an electrified cage for a fight to the death, who would win?

I think the answer is either "no one" or "everyone" depending on if we let the winner out of the cage or not. Maybe it would even unleash the zombie Nixon on all of us, what with their combined defensiveness, combativeness, and paranoia. Such arcane rituals are probably ultimately all these motherfuckers are good for. They're both definitely on the "pee on" list. Talk about people with nothing to say who insist you listen to them anyhow...