Uncivil Discourse

Because civility is overrated.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Yeah, She's The Queen

Oh, lordy, this is too fucking good.

Michelle Malkin has an immigration blog.

I can't add anything else to this shit. It's just not possible.

Exactly What I Needed

I mentioned the Minuteman Project a few days ago. And oh, does it keep getting better.

See, these miserable needledicks, having declared victory over the hostile Mexican forces, are now looking to staunch the great white invasion from Canada. So no, despite the initial Great Brown Peril that spurred these self-styled Revolutionaries to action, they are, as they say, completely independent of "separatists, racists or supremacy groups or individuals, no matter what their race, color, or creed." And as noted immigration experts Lou Dobbs, Sean Hannity, and Michelle "Not A Cunt, But Should Shut The Fuck Up" Malkin have pointed out, they must truly just be a big neighborhood watch, concerned with upholding immigration law.

Yeah, and putting Ahmed Chalabi as acting oil minister was the best fucking idea ever.

Look, these limp-dicked compensating motherfuckers kidnapped a Mexican man and made him hold up a t-shirt. They link to groups like Save Our State, which features stories like this one about how Mexico is running an "insurgency" that could lead to another 9/11. Oh, and other wannabe badasses such as the Aryan Nation and VDare have been the most vocal supporters of the Minutemen. One of the most prominent members of the Minutemen is a bitch named Joe McCutchen, who got some nice play in this story (via Orcinus).

Joe, it seems, has been busy, writing letters including such gems as "To survive, America must surmount P.C., revisionism and incendiaries enemies hurl, i.e. racists, anti-Semitic, xenophobe, et. al."

No, I don't fucking understand it, so don't ask me. And frankly, I get a little worried at the idea of heavily armed paranoid white redneck fucks patrolling the border.

And these guys are getting mainstream. Wayne Allard (MF-CO) has called for them to be deputized. Their leader, Chris Simcox,, who really, really fucking loves his guns (but he's not compensating for anything, you unpatriotic dick), is a relatively frequent guest on Lou Dobbs' CNN show, where Lou has made comments along the lines of:

Outstanding. We wish you all of the success in the world. And you know, you said it at the outset, that it's a shame that it takes activism on the part of citizens. You know, I think that we could also make a counterargument. It's kind of nice to know that Americans still have that activism in their hearts, the capacity to volunteer to do the right thing. And we thank you, Chris Simcox, for being with us.


Lou also happens to be, for the record, the whitest man this side of Jerry Falwell, a bitch who knows nothing if not the fabled art of the pander.

Let's get honest about a couple of things. Canada's not being discussed because we're concerned about hordes of white people crossing the border in violation of immigration laws. Nobody would blink an eye if lots of English speaking Canadian natives were watering lawns or picking crops. This would simply not be a fucking issue. Canada's being talked about because the way to make this seem important is to link this to terrorism, and the only known case of a terrorist entering the country from a border crossing was from Canada. Because, really, on the grand scale of lawlessness, illegal immigrants are right down there with pot smokers and people who go 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, especially given how this country must have people it can abuse and pay less than minimum wage for those jobs it can't send overseas (to all those sweet, sweet sweatshops).

No, Canada's cover. It's all a cover for thinly disguised paranoid racism (a wonderful byproduct of the Bush Administration's quest to keep us fuckin' scared). But let's not all suddenly act like shocked, shit-throwing monkeys. It's not like this is something new. Apologizing for the Confederate flag being hoisted around by concocting ideas about "states rights" that have been dead in reality since John C. Calhoun croaked is the same shit. Supporting racial profiling because it's people of a certain complexion that deal drugs or commit terrorism is the same shit.

And for the love of God, can we at least stop misusing history? The goddamn Minutemen, the real ones, were the militia of first the state of Massachusetts, then other states, not some fucking mythological group of citizens who got guns and decided they needed to go shoot someone. They were, as the Second Amendment states, "a well-regulated militia" that was later subsumed into the Continental Army. I know this comes as a shock to all those gun nuts who like to style themselves after the Revolutionaries, but, well, fuck 'em.

One thing to keep in mind, though, is that we can't blame these small dicked bastards for this latest manifestation of, to paraphrase Hofstadter, the paranoid racist strain in American politics. No, it's the constant pushing of the motherfuckers in the Bush Administration to keep us afraid that's gotten these shits over the edge.

And you know what the best part of it all is? The most effective, and probably the only, way to stop the illegal immigrant "problem" would be to dry up the job supply, because I don't think those poor folks would be risking their health to cross the Arizona and Southern California deserts if they didn't know they had jobs waiting for them. But that would require going after the corporations that employ them, and we can't have that, can we? That would require wanting to ensure people are treated like, well, human beings. This current route is so much fucking easier.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Presidential Wankery

So I missed President Codpiece's press conference tonight, but you can find a transcript here. And dear sweet lord, we're all fucked.

"In the near term, we will continue to encourage oil-producing nations to maximize their production."

Read: "I'm going to sodomize every last caribou in ANWR with an oil drill while we make the environmentalists watch, Clockwork Orange-style. Then it'll be Bush a million, environment 0! Now suck it, Democrats!"

I'll note that I read "Suck it, Democrats" into everything Bush says. Force of fucking habit and all. I'll suppress it from here on.

"Here at home, we'll protect consumers. There will be no price gouging at gas pumps in America."

Read: "I hope nobody remembers "protecting consumers" is how we described the Rich Are Better Than You bill. Who am I kidding? These are the same bitches that elected me again! Of course they don't remember that far back."

"In the past decade, America's energy consumption has been growing about 40 times faster than our energy production. That means we're relying more on energy produced abroad."

Read: "ANWR! ANWR! Bow before me, caribou!"

"They understand that Social Security is headed for serious financial trouble and they expect their leaders in Washington to address the problem."

If by "they" you mean "the idiots that voted for me," then sure. Otherwise, in general, they don't seem to, because THERE IS NO FUCKING PROBLEM. And if you think otherwise, go read the goddamned archives at Max Speak, You Listen! RIGHT NOW. Go!

"As a matter of fairness, I propose that future generations receive benefits equal to or greater than the benefits today's seniors get."

Read: "Maybe if I say this, these bitches won't know that what I really want to do is to index benefits to inflation, not to wages, in the end cutting their benefits without them knowing!"

Ok, so I'm giving the motherfucker too much credit. After all, he doesn't fucking have a plan, and if he did, given his track record with managing money, why would I think he would grasp it?

Atrios gives a brief sketch of the "plan" underneath all of this. Remember, President Wing Commander doesn't fucking have one, and don't you dare accuse him of it!

"If you work hard and pay into Social Security your entire life, you will not retire into poverty."

Read: "Because by the time my cheap labor starve the beast ass is done with you, you'll never be able to retire, you lazy twats!"

"Third, any reform of Social Security must replace the empty promises being made to younger workers with real assets, real money...I know some Americans have reservations about investing in the stock market, so I propose that one investment option consist entirely of treasury bonds, which are backed by the full faith and credit of the United States government."

Read: "Just watch me contradict myself, you stupid cunts. These "real assets" are the same thing you bitches had before, treasury bonds backed by the full faith and credit of the government. Oh yeah, I've got some real assets you can suck. Shit, this is better than the ass-raping those terrorist bastards are getting at Gitmo."

"In the coming days and weeks I'll work with both the House and the Senate as they take the next steps in the legislative process."

Read: "By "work with," I really mean 'jack off on.'"

"Social Security is too important for politics as usual."

Read: "But not for my brand of fucking politics, which is why we labeled the AARP as a bunch of homo-lovers for opposing us. It's good to be the President."

Jesus fuck us in the Christhole, will the douchebaggery never end?

The worst part is I can just see him, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove pelvic thrusting in the Oval Office, which is a mental image not too fucking far removed from a naked Ann Coulter. Anyway, I'll follow up on the Minutemen tomorrow.

I'm Sorry, Mother Church, But I Just Need Some Space

Look, Catholic Church, it's not you, it's me. You're just doing what you've been doing. I recognize this now. You've always meddled in politics before, but I've overlooked it. Why? Because you accept evolution and have stroven at least for improving understanding between different religious groups, if not outright tolerance at times. At the least, you've been generally consistent; anti-war, anti-death penalty, and so on.

And for that, I've given you any number of things I don't accord other religious groups. I've fully respected your organization (your faith goes without saying) and defended it. I've refused to say anything about the new Pope or the old (whom, while I didn't necessarily agree with him, I always respected), giving you the respect you deserve from me as a non-Catholic. And I understand you have an influence on things that affect me, from my Catholic friends to politics in the country, and I've always thought we could at least talk about it.

But you've stabbed me in the back, Catholic Church. I understand William Donohue doesn't represent you, much less even the most batshit insane Catholics, the same way James "If Only I Could Beat My Kids Like My Dog" Dobson isn't representative of most evangelical Protestants. But here, you crossed a line. You betrayed my trust. How could you do something like this to me?

Evangelical Protestants have led the way in portraying Democrats as enemies of God, but the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has chimed in on the issue of judicial nominees in a mass mailing to parishioners timed to yield constituent letters just as the matter comes to a vote.


See, Catholic Church, I don't mind you taking official stances on issues which are political, such as abortion and stem-cell research, because these are issues on which faith can help factor into how people feel, and like I said, I respect that. But then you took sides during the election, even though it meant supporting a pro-death penalty instigator of an unjust war (by your standards). That I thought was uncalled for, and it began this strain in our relationship. But I thought, in light of everything else, maybe we could work it out.

Now you've just shown me we can't. Despite forbidding priests to get involved in politics, you've just done it, and you've further alienated many of your own here, who have managed to look past the fact that we in America, unlike you, tend to like things like contraceptives and having our kids be free of molestation (as opposed to just moving around offenders). Is it only an issue of priests get involved if they're liberal? How is siding with these nutjobs, who would round you into camps with Hindus and Muslims (as they tend to think you're the one of the villains of Revelation) not political? How is explicitly working with those in a campaign to label those of a particular political persuasion, one which agrees with you on a good many things, not political? What does this have to do with religion or morality? How the fuck can this be justified as anything but sheer partisanship?

So that's it. We're done. You just can't change, can you? It's kind of comical how pathetically incorrigible you are.

And no, I'm not going to say I hope we can still be friends. Because frankly, I don't want to be your friend anymore. We're through. I need to move on. And you need to mature before you try this again. Otherwise, every other relationship you're in may end up this sour.

(Notes: The Times story was via Digby, and also see Rude Pundit's breakup note, which I'm sure caused this to be my first reaction to this news, concerning the election of the Pope and how it's likely to further distance the Church from most American Catholics).

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Southern Trees Bear Strange Fruit

There is actually quite little that angers me like proudly displaying the single fucking greatest symbol of treason in American history and then having the gall to criticize others as "unpatriotic" (invariably, this shit all goes together). Oh, but I see it everywhere I go, from right outside where I live to cars parked all over the place. As best as I can tell, all of these people need to have the diseased liver of Ulysses S. Grant shoved up their ass before being set on fire like Atlanta. But that's just me.

This all ties in to a bit of news (albeit a little old) from the grand old state of Alabama. It seems some skanky cunts are upset that the governor of Alabama is not leaving out slavery as a reason for the Civil War.

See, what all these selective remembering assholes forget is that slavery was first and foremost the cause of the Civil War. States' rights? Hardly ever came up in debates over secession except for a state's right to have residents own people because their skin's brown. Tariffs? Bitch, please. While you're off fantasizing about how it used to be ok to string up a black man, I'm sure you'll note that it was because he had the audacity to agree that an increase in tariffs was good for the whole fucking country. This shit never entered the fucking debate. It was all about being able to whip some brown folks. The only thing that should be required to respond to these idiots at this point is that it was the election of Lincoln that prompted secession. And what was it about Lincoln? It was that that poor, gangly, closeted motherfucker didn't want slavery to spread outside of where it already was. It was as much about tariffs as James Dobson's vigorous homophobia isn't about self-loathing.

But back to the point about how the flag, and its proud display all over the place, bothers the fuck out of me.

"The flag doesn't symbolize racism," they'll squeal as if the dessicated corpse of Jefferson Davis were giving them a blowjob. "It's part of our Southern heritage! We're not celebrating racism or treason!" Ok, sure, you dumb motherfuckers, but all heritage isn't to be celebrated. You want some other piece of Southern (and not just Southern) heritage? Try this. Or this. Them trees be bearing strange fruit, alright, and the fruit's completely sour and eating through with worms.

Of course the flag symbolizes racism and treason. It was the symbol of a fucking group that seceded and started a war, committed the highest act of treason, (that's right, remember, bitches, you fired first) so they could own people simply because of their race. What is that if not the very definition of fucking racism and treason?

And the best part of it all is how these deluded schmucks think they get to call the rest of us unpatriotic after adorning this treasonous symbol all over their state flags, courthouses, and other government buildings (in the case of South Carolina, which has instigated not one, but two acts of treason, they call themselves "the most patriotic state in the Union). They bitch and moan if someone proposes to remove it from their flags. If I weren't getting so accustomed to it, the rank hypocrisy here would drive me insane to the point where I might want to, say, fuck Ann Coulter up the ass, hard (via The Rude Pundit.

I'll post later about why this whole thing makes me want to kick Lou Dobbs in the nuts and do other violent things to anyone who thinks the Minutemen Project is composed of anyone but racist rednecks who should, in a civilized society, be shunned. But of course, it's not then a surprise that people are talking about deputizing these pathetic fucks.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Why James Dobson Needs To Be Sodomized With James Madison's Skeleton

After the required mocking of the cuntwads featured at Justice fucking Sunday (I swear, I keep thinking this is some damned wrestling special on Pay Per View), there is something somewhat serious to say.

After having watched the video of Dobson's wank (which was summarily followed by an ejaculation on William Donohue's head) over at Crooks and Liars, there is something important that needs to be said.

First, this whole filibuster thing is part of the fucking process by which the legislature checks the judiciary. How can this not be any more fucking clear than it already is? We even had a nice little diagram in my American government book back in the day: the executive checks the judiciary by appointing judges, and the legislature checks the judiciary by being able to impeach motherfuckers who get appointed and by confirming or not confirming the president's appointees.

See, this is nice and simple. It's not difficult. Maybe if James spent less time working on his combover and thinking about how Spongebob Squarepants makes him feel "down there," he might remember some of this shit. But of course, it's not about checks and balances at all.

What all these fuckers know (even from Dogbeater's self-admitted fourth-grade knowledge of American government), and know they can't do,, is that there is a way for 70% of the American people or whatever the fuck number it is Dobson pulled out of his recently sodomized ass to impose its will on a country. That is, if James of the Combover is right, and if there is this huge backwards swath of the country that feels so damned passionately on "moral issues," it doesn't matter what the judges try to do to "impose their will" on the populace. Everyone knows this, come on, we've done it twenty-odd times in the history of this damned country.

That's right. Change the Constitution. And it would makes James' shriveled little cock harden in delight if he could do it, if he could make the underlying document of this country ban abortion, homosexuality, and establish a theocracy.

But the bitch can't. And he knows it. It's fucking hard to change the Constitution (just look at the ERA). And he also knows the reason why it's so hard, because he said something in his speech about the Founding Fathers (whom they worship in some grotesquely twisted form) "knowing the flaws of people." And there is no damned better embodiment of all that is flawed with people than schmucks like James Dobson, Chuck Colson, and Bill Frist. But even so, if he truly had the support he claims to have, that'd be the route they take, because it would fucking work. 70% of the populace supports you? You can easily get an amendment through the states, and there would be high hell to pay for Senators who oppose you out of those states where people agree. That's how the people impose their will directly on the nation. I think I learned that in fourth grade civics, too.

So in the end, all that needs to be said is this: Motherfucker, don't hate the judges, hate the Constitution.

Oh, wait...

This is where the line is drawn. This is for all the marbles. If they can't get rid of the filibuster, they lose, because they can't ensure the courts rule with them every last time, since they know damned well enough of the country is digusted by their unsightly vision to stop them from amending America into Calvin's Geneva. That would truly be put up or shut up time. They don't want that clash of civilizations to happen, because if it does, given that one must die, it's theirs. At that point, the entire nation would be forced to ask itself if they want what these assholes want. Right now, we just have to ask ourselves if we can merely tolerate it given that most of what they want is blatantly unconstitutional. And if the answer is no, if we like being America, the entire damned fundamentalist agenda is dead, and I for one intend to urinate on its grave.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY...

...you've paid for the whole fucking, but you'll only get it up the ass!

This is, I believe, the message the Republican leadership and the religious right are sending to all the moderates (read: people way too fucking stupid to see this coming) who put them right back into power. Look, we know you dipshits are out there. The religious right is not that damned big. So are you ready to listen yet?

In any case, some highlights from "God vs. Judges Appointed By Republicans Sunday," featuring James "Dogbeater" Dobson and Bill "The Catbutcher" Frist (which leads to two points, the first being that this sounds like a fucking wrestling promotion, and the second, it's a good thing Rick Santorum isn't around, or no pet would be safe):

1) Dobson: "The future of democracy and ordered liberty actually depends on the outcome of this struggle."

(Of course, here the Closeted One is right. What would it mean if these asshats win? Well, goodbye separation of powers, goodbye separation of church and state, goodbye all that it means to fucking be America. I guess we can still kill us some damned brown people, though, so we'll always have that shit.)

2) Frist: "I don't think it's radical to ask senators to vote. I don't think it's radical to expect senators to fulfill their constitutional responsibilities. I don't think it's radical to restore precedents that worked so well for 214 years."

Also on this note, we have:

3) Frist: "...if what Democrats are doing is wrong today, it won't be right for Republicans to do the same thing tomorrow."

(But it was totally fucking right for them to do it 10 years ago...so damned right, we'll totally forget about those unpleasant events and claim this shit is totally new (note the numbers in that last link).)

Good dear sweet god. I'll post some more on this circlejerk later, but for now, read this, via Digby.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Random Things

1. John Kerry Gets Rude: Thank you, John Kerry. Finally, we have a Democratic politician pissing on fuckwads like Dobson and Cat-Butcher for completely hijacking our nation's values as well as religion. Yes, this was a man smeared by idiots repeatedly, but he never at any point backed the fuck down. "I am sick and tired of a bunch of people trying to tell me that God wants a bunch of conservative judges on the court and that's why we have to change the rules of the United States Senate...I am sick and tired of (them saying) they somehow have a better understanding of Christianity, of the Judeo-Christian ethic, of values...We're talking about values? You show me where in the New Testament Jesus ever talked about the value of having taxes and taking money from poor people to give to the rich people in this country."

I couldn't have said that shit better myself. Ok, I probably would've called some people cunts.

2. Fucking Torture: Couple of days old, but everyone who hasn't needs to fucking read this. I recall Our Leader saying something about how the rape, breaking of chemical lights, electrocution, dogs, sodomization, and so on were the work of "bad apples." Bush told the King of Jordan (without ever apologizing to the Iraqi people) he "was sorry for the humiliation suffered by the Iraqi prisoners, and the humiliation suffered by their families...I told him I was equally sorry that people who have been seeing those pictures didn't understand the true nature and heart of America."

Oh yes. The true nature and heart of Bush's America. Wish lists on how to torture detainees. Elevation of a shit-stained motherfucker like Mr. Secretary of Detainee Ass-Raping to Attorney General, where he's to enforce our laws. Appointing a bitch with a long track record of violating human rights and lying about intelligence as Intelligence Director (and before that, overseer of Iraq and UN Ambassador). John fucking Bolton. The "Rich People Are Good And You Are Bad" bill. The "Gay People And Judges Make Jesus Cry" initiatives. Viewing the entire goddamned Constitution of this country as an impediment to achieving one's ideology (damned that judicial independence, damned be freedom of association, damned be the eighth amendment, etc, the president has the authority to "set aside the laws," etc).

But "We do not condone torture. I have never ordered torture. I will never order torture". This is comfort. This is deniability. If we don't use the word "torture," we've never fucking ordered torture, now have we? Ah, language. Letting these motherfuckers just keep playing on, shielded from any real responsibility as they blame the troops they claim to care so damned much about. It's like sex to these bastards. I can just see Dick Cheney trying to get it up so he can pork Lynne -- the Viagra's not working, so instead he reads some of the details of the Taguba report, and all of a sudden, instant boner. There's nothing like fucking over foreigners or the poor to get these guys going.

Yeah, all this shit is the work of some "bad apples." The only problem is this tree's completely rotten. As Should Have Been President Gore said, "In Iraq, what happened at that prison, it is now clear, is not the result of random acts of a few bad apples. It was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy." But what else did we expect? We knew what we were getting, and for some bizarre reason I will never understand, 51% of the motherfuckers in this country wanted to get fucked up the ass violently some more.

Just like some poor Iraqi bastard who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

John Negroponte Needs To Be Sodomized With The Universal Declaration of Human Rights

John Negroponte? Motherfucking John "I Love Death Squads" Negroponte is our new intelligence chief? He was confirmed 98-2?

Let's have a big of reflection on history, shall we? 1981, Honduras. Sandanistas are in power in neighboring Nicaragua. From Wikipedia:

Negroponte supervised the construction of the El Aguacate air base where Nicaraguan Contras were trained by the U.S., and which some critics say was used as a secret detention and torture center during the 1980s. In August 2001, excavations at the base discovered 185 corpses, including two Americans, who are thought to have been killed and buried at the site.

Records also show that a special intelligence unit (commonly referred to as a "death squad") of the Honduran armed forces, Battalion 3-16, trained by the CIA and the Argentine military, kidnapped, tortured and killed hundreds of people, including U.S. missionaries. Critics charge that Negroponte knew about these human rights violations and yet continued to collaborate with the Honduran military while lying to Congress.

Given that he continues to fucking deny "any knowledge" of atrocities while aid to Honduras kept increasing and disappearances continued to happen, yeah, I'd say that claiming this fuckwad lied to Congress is a safe bet. And let's not forget, Negroponte was as knee-deep in Iran/Contra as the other bitches.

And this fucking man's in charge of our intelligence? This man: "Mr. Negroponte has denied knowing of such abuses. But an inquiry by the Central Intelligence Agency several years ago found that serious rights violations in Honduras were not properly reported to Washington during Mr. Negroponte's tenure. Most of the report is blacked out, and the unclassified parts raise questions about Mr. Negroponte without providing answers"?

This is a nightmare that keeps getting worse. This shit-throwing cuntmonkey was the one who assured the Acting Assistant Secretary of Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor that the only ones involved in the torture and detention of Iraqis was, well, Iraqis, as said in this report. I can't begin to tell you how much it must relieve all those poor bastards who have been electrocuted, raped, humiliated, and so on, that their sufferings were only at the hands of their own countrymen, with no knowledge or consent by the United States.

So here we have a motherfucker who has, so far, suppressed intelligence information, lied to Congress, whitewashed what went on in Iraq, and helped in subverting the Constitution.

And he's in charge of our intelligence agencies, which last I checked, were being faulted for not giving complete information, using horrible sources, and misleading all of us? He's in this position while we call on Pakistan, China, Russia, and others to improve their records on human rights? I need some fucking tequila. Maybe then I can ignore the stone-throwing inside our glass house.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Rumors on the Internets

The Internets have been mean to Tom DeLay, and now he's firing back with the force of a thousand used douches. You see, "The Hummer," as he is known in porn circles, is thoroughly covered in the shit he harvested with the likes of Jack Abramoff. And now, like a monkey in a cage, he's trying to randomly throw it at everyone around.

First he went after Democrats, claiming "everyone else does it, so why can't I?" That didn't work so fucking well, because this is a wonderful news story, full of money, scandal, and politics, and so the media wants to milk it for all it's worth (this time, they're not schmucks for it, unlike the largely made up Clinton stories).

But now DeLay, despite skipping on the "Judges Make Jesus Cry" conference, has decided those damned activist judges are precisely his ticket out of humiliation. See, if there's one thing that attracts Americans more than scandal, it's public shitthrowing. And who's a better target for DeLay's fecal matter than a Supreme Court Judge? Especially if he's a Supreme Court judge appointed by a fucking Republican god who decided the execution of juveniles was "cruel and unusual".

Oh, but DeLay panted, like a dog in heat, "He used international law to come to this conclusion!" He didn't read the Constitution literally! He looked at something called a "moral consensus!" And if Republicans know something, it's that consensus is not good at all. No, the Eighth Amendment doesn't mention anything about executing juveniles. Nor does it mention anything about disembowelment. Damn activist judges, stopping us from disemboweling prisoners.

Besides, if killing juveniles was good enough for Aaron Burr, it's good enough for us, goddamnit, and so agree renowned constitutional scholars Phyllis Schlafly and James "Poster Boy For Freud" Dobson. Later, DeLay proceeded to metaphorically pick up the skull of Alexander Hamilton, who wrote "It equally proves, that though individual oppression may now and then proceed from the courts of justice, the general liberty of the people can never be endangered from that quarter; I mean so long as the judiciary remains truly distinct from both the legislature and the Executive," and repeatedly fucked the eye socket, shrieking out in orgasmic pleasure "The judiciary has become so activist and so isolated from the American people that it's our job to do [figure out how to use the Congress to intimidate the judiciary]." After coming, he licked his own ass clean and ran home.

Oh, but daddy-killer DeLay did more because that. No, he had Pat Robertson fluff him up before unleashing his revenge on the Internets that have knocked over his big pile of shit, saying "And not only that, but he said in session that he does his own research on the Internet? That is just incredibly outrageous." If there's one thing Tom DeLay knows, it's that research just leads to not agreeing with his cuntass. And the INTERNET? Why, what fucking nerve! The Internet is a fucking porn distribution center, and Tom DeLay knows that that is all it can be use for that is legitimate. After all, it's what Clarence Thomas uses it for, and who the fuck does Anthony Kennedy think he is? Antonin "Sodomy" Scalia?

No, the Internet is nothing but unamerican trouble, we all know that, because the Internet is full of pajama-clad wankers who criticize and taunt DeLay. We should call it "Le Internet." Y'know, cause it's fucking French.

And goddamnit, Tom DeLay, the patron saint of humanitarian, won't fucking stand for this outrageous behavior any longer. The Internet has to go, and so must all who use it for non-porn purposes, such as Anthony Kennedy.

And yes, Larry Craig, you limp-dicked pissant, we do have other things to talk about. But your dumb asses just keep making it easy to hammer away at this son of a bitch.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Poor George Bush

Poor George Bush. You see, this man, this good fucking man, has been betrayed. For a man of such integrity and honesty, to be betrayed is possibly the most severe blow one can take.

You see, his own cuntish Secretary of State has decided Vladimir Putin is tightening his grip on power, declaring the increase in centralized power "very worrying." It was this week, after all, that Vlad pointed out that he is not constitutionally barred from running for a third term after 2008. Rumors have also been floated that Putin might be kept around as Prime Minister, with the country becoming more of a constitutional republic.

Yes, George Bush has been betrayed. You see, it was only two months ago that Putin re-emphasized his commitment to democracy to the freedom-loving Bush. This came several months after he ended direct election of Russia's governors and tightened his own control of the legislature, but George, he knows his men, and he's seen Vlad's soul. In that soul, he saw a man truly "committed to his country and the best interests of his country." Thus when Putin reassured him that Russia was not becoming undemocratic, Bush knew he was telling the truth, saying "I think Vladimir heard me loud and clear."

But now, this. And George Bush, who trusts those around him, who can trust his personal connections, suddenly can't. This lover of liberty has been lied to about democracy by someone he thought he had a connection with. I'm sure it's enough to make him rock in his room crying while listening to some sad, sad song about betrayal. After all, Putin is yet another person who has betrayed him. The list is large -- Jim Jeffords, the entire US intelligence apparatus, Richard "Self-Regarding Buffon" Clarke, Rand "Democratic Hack" Beers, and ultimately, those shameless partisan hacks and nepotists Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson. And that's just a partial list. But Putin was different. A man's soul shouldn't lie.

Perhaps he should call another close friend for comfort, another man whose soul Bush has seen, and who is a steadfast ally and a firm believer in democracy and freedom, someone who Bush thinks of as Bush thought of Putin. Together, they can talk about trust lost, and maybe then he can begin to trust again.

Is It Possible to Sodomize Someone With Falafels?

I briefly asked earlier why it is that smug dick Bill O'Reilly hasn't been more vocally criticized, condemned, brutally beaten, etc, for completely ignoring his pledge to "never trust the Bush administration again" if we didn't find weapons of mass destruction. But then it occured to me earlier today that it's not that O'Reilly has absolutely no fucking integrity whatsoever, it's that the man's got the memory of two-weeks-before-death Ronald Reagan! Oh yes, the sweet, sweet pangs of senility, they have warmly embraced Falafel-Man.

It couldn't have been more than three years ago when O'Reilly, who's like that annoying little yappy dog next door who just will never shut the fuck up, declared a fucking holy war on the rapper Ludacris and Pepsi and having the audacity to hire Ludacris to sell soda. At that point, the little pissant said, "I'm calling for all responsible Americans to fight back and punish Pepsi for using a man who degrades women, who encourages substance abuse and does all the things that hurt particularly the poor and our society." And it was nice to see that O'Reilly cares so much about women and the poor.

But here we are now. And O'Reilly has this bit called "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day," which is somehow never his splotchy ass. Anyhow, today he has this:

Snoop Dogg gets some bad news. Harvard doesn't want him. The rapper was supposed to appear at the school in May, but some students objected, citing lyrics on the rapper's latest album about slapping women to keep them under control. Very nice.

Since Harvard has enough problems with women, as we just heard [earlier in the show] having Snoop show up could not have helped, so he has been disinvited. Ridiculous? You make the call.


So it's ridiculous for Harvard to disinvite Snoop because he's rapped about smacking up women, but it's a moral imperative for Pepsi to drop Ludacris because he's, well, rapped about smacking up women. This makes perfect sense to the mind of the senile.

I could mention more, but Al Franken of course explored O'Reilly's inability to distinguish between the awards he's "won" and other awards which are more prestigious. Before, I might have attributed this shit to O'Reilly being a self-promoting cuntface who should be repeatedly sodomized with a Peabody award (note: I don't still think he's not a self-promoting cuntface who should be repeatedly sodomized with a Peabody award). But it is becoming more clear that he just simply doesn't know! And oh, how that's been true of almost everything I've ever heard come out of his pathetic little mouth...

So instead of publicly wondering how people can take this meatbag seriously, when he's clearly demonstrated a lack of any shreds of integrity or connection to facts, let us mourn. The motherfucker's mentally ill. And in the end, might that not be why he can't tell a falafel from a loofah?

Not Quite A Wet Dream, But Close

I was going to post on that motherfucker of motherfuckers John Bolton, but, well, there's no way I can top Rude Pundit's treatment of this bitch. So just go read that shit.

In international news, well, isn't this just peachy? While our media's doing the ostrich thing (seriously, though, I'd be interested if you can find articles on this...I've searched the usual suspects and come up with jack shit), the Taliban are, slowly but surely, coming back. What was that about finishing a job you started? Good fucking lord, it's one thing after another with these clowns. They're like ferrets when it comes to international policy. Afghanistan...oh, a fucking shiny in Iraq, let's go there (with, of course, not enough troops)! Then all of a sudden, the talk turns to Syria and Iran. If it weren't for the insurgency, who knows where the fuck we'd be now. Maybe halfway to Moscow if it weren't for those nukes still pointed at our overeager asses.

Now, I'm not arguing these guys don't have a clue what they're doing. They fucking know what they're doing. There's a very fucking real attempt to make over the world here. It's a combination of a couple of things, from where I see it. There's the "we can't believe in terrorism without a state sponsor" Cold War, put your fingers over your eyes and shout "lalala I can't hear you" blindfold bullshit that led that deviant fuck Paul "I Don't Do EVERYTHING Because of Israel" Wolfowitz to buy into what might qualify as one of the worst theories ever -- that Saddam was behind the goddamned 1993 World Trade Center bombing, and thus had to be a primary suspect for this latest one. Then there's what the more sophisticated members of this gang of motherfucking neocons had in mind: the horrible, horrible geopolitics of it all. The New Republic, back in the day, quoted one State Department official as saying "If the Gulf produced kumquats, do you really think we'd be there right now?"

I bet his sorry ass was sacked for breaking message once they found out who he was. Oh, they can find out who talks to the press real fucking nicely, at least when it doesn't involve outing a deep cover CIA agent working in weapons of mass destruction for political retribution. Then the possibilities are just ENDLESS.

But there's one other reason we here can see that not so many people are apparently picking up on. You see, one of the overreaching ideological objectives of these wannabe players is to "starve the beast." What does that mean? As one of the more evil of these fuckers, Grover "I Heart McKinley" Norquist put it, they want to "shrink government down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub." You see, "the beast," and please, stop the snickering, they're not referring to a penis, means "the government." The goal is to drive the government into a massive fucking fiscal crisis, where it will summarily implode and be able to function as, well, a honest to goodness government. But that leaves us as vulnerable during this implosion as Bill O'Reilly to a falafel's wiles, so, well, we need to show we can still kick some brown (or yellow, you know, for those damn Commie Chinese) ass.

No, these cuntfaces know exactly what they're doing. They're just inept at it. And to be honest, I don't know if I prefer that or not. Certainly our soldiers and the Iraqi policement probably don't. They're getting sodomized violently while these wankers, well, wank.

Oh, I'm sorry. These sad, sad men have such a big burden having to carry on this war they provoked. After all, Donald Rumsfeld said back in December, "I am truly saddened by the thought that anyone could have the impression that I or others here are doing anything other than working urgently to see that the lives of the fighting men and women are protected and are cared for in every way humanly possible." Poor Don. The man just needs some love. Maybe he can get it from the maimed veterans at Walter Reed Hospital.

You know what I'd like to see? What sometimes, at my most angry, I fantasize about? Displaying Donald Rumsfeld in public. A Donald Rumsfeld stripped naked. Cold blood dumped on him whenever he starts feeling alive again, the blood of the thousands of civilians dead because of him, and the blood of the soldiers dead because of his absolute certainty that Iraq had those fucking weapons. (Speaking of which, why hasn't Bill O'Reilly been sodomized violently with the physical manifestation of his lack of integrity? What happened to "I won't trust the administration again if we don't find WMDs"? Jackass.)

But oh, if Rumsfeld ever cries out in agony, agony at the blood, agony at the cold, agony at the people lined up to laugh at his wrinkled body and his small, undersized balls, he'll be made to feel pain, but not the pain of organ failure, since that would be torture. And Wolfowitz will be there, with the dogs sicced on him, because sometimes you just need to do that, as Trent Lott, who knows a thing or two about siccing dogs on people, might say. And we'll ask him, "What did you fucking know, and when did you know it?"

And we'll forever wonder, what else didn't we know? What else went on? What else was planned? And we'll forever be fucked, because we have no fucking idea just how deep this madness or this psychosis runs.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Asshats, All

For those of you who don't know, I spent a good deal of time in the grand state of Illinois, home of our Speaker of the House, Dennis "Yes Sir May I Have Some More" Hastert, and over this time, I was able to learn a good deal about this motherfucker. Now Hastert shows the truth of Bertrand Russell's famous comment that "There is no need to worry about mere size...We do not respect a thin man less than a fat man...Sir Isaac Newton was very much smaller than a hippopotamus, but we do not on this account value him less." For you see, I have not a whit of respect for this man, who is, in fact, rather obese..

Hastert, and Newt Gingrich before him, also proves that Washington Irving was a poor observer of society. For Irving said "Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot or herding together in turbulent mobs?" Yes, Hastert is a fat man, a big pile of blubber. But more than that, he's a big pile of shit.

Let's flash back to December 30, 1998, when Dennis "Lord of Eating Pies" Hastert declared he intended to run for the position of Speaker. Said Hastert, "The most important thing that we have to do is to restore the faith of the American people in the U.S. Congress, and the faith of American people that American government works." This was, of course, in the context of that blubbering fool Newt Gingrich's ethical lapses and constant Republican attacks on Bill Clinton. Ethics were front and center.

Fastforward to today. Hastert's office has proposed three changes to the ethics rules, one of which is particularly egregious. Ah, yes, we are full of restoring faith in government. The Republicans, flush with hubris and mad with power, have no concern for anything they had previously paid lip service to. Potential automatic dismissal of complaints if a majority can't decide how to proceed? Check (especially given that the committee is evenly split among partisan lines). And of course, it's Democrats that want the ethics committee to flounder. Good lord, do these cuntwads ever listen to themselves speak? There has to be some crazy cognitive dissonance going on here. You motherfuckers stack the ethics committee and set the rules so if no Republican wants to proceed, things just get dropped?

Like I said before, I can't make this shit up. The fever pitch of stupidity just keeps getting higher and higher.

Couple this, of course, with Hastert's bullshit pronouncement last year that he "didn't feel comfortable introducing controversial legislation" without knowing the vote would swing the Republican way. I'll tell you what Hastert wouldn't feel comfortable with, and that's a forced enema to clear out most of the shit lining his insides.

What fucking hypocrites. And of course, the moment we get back in power, it'll be back to how it was before. It's a vicious cycle, and one that always seems to end with motherfuckers.

And this is where we stand, with the fat man having his way. Washington Irving was so full of shit.

Who's A Good Little Motherfucker?

I'm really fucking busy today, so I'll just give you another damned round of Name That Motherfucker. Last time, Benjamin got the motherfuckers, Greg Mankiw and Alberto Gonzales, and the bonus wingnut, Ann "Manhands" Coulter. Ben gets a free copy of Do-Gooders: How Liberals Hurt Those They Claim To Help (And The Rest Of Us) by that slimy toadcunt Mona Charon, if he chooses to claim it (I'd suggest not doing so, for the sake of your brain).

Remember, there may also be prizes for the most creative nicknames for these assmonkeys.

1) In January, this recently appointed motherfucker had issues with, and for the love of god, I can't make this shit up, a PBS character who traveled to Vermont and met a lesbian couple. This was so at the top of this motherfucker's priority list that [he/she] wrote a letter the fucking day after being appointed. No, this one's not a motherfucker...mother-motherfucker's more appropriate.

2) This motherfucker no longer is in the administration, but he worked for that abomination in the eyes of me known as the Bush campaign. He also is a very high-powered lobbyist with ties to Jack "Browns Make Me Ill" Abramoff. Oh, and to add to his fucking motherfucker quotient, he used to be highly involved with the religious right. Of course, now of him, Pat Robertson says, "The Bible says you can't serve God and Mammon," and if Robertson's saying that about you, you have to be one of the biggest bitches around.

That's all for now. If I have time later I'll provide you with a post about the tyranny of asshats (alternatively, the circus of motherfuckers) known as the House of Representatives.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The stupid, it BURNS

I've talked about getting Jesus up in the judiciary before. But oh, there's more.

There were efforts by school boards in Kansas, Wisconsin, Missouri, Ohio, Texas and Montana to ban evolution (a few months ago, but really, this shit never stops). And of course, those damned stickers in Cobb County, Georgia. I do hope that these pricks, as a part of their "alternative explanations" of "origins," they include the Native American turtle story or the Hindu egg. It'd only be fair, after all. Isn't creationism a fucking theory, not a fact?

The Moonie Times earlier this month put out a poll finding 68% of Americans didn't want gay "marriages." And of course, this poll found that 57% of the public wanted to change the Constitution to take rights away from people. Now hopefully those damned liberal activist judges won't get in the way...

And of course, what we've been hearing since before the election: Democrats and liberals (oh, and the media, but all us motherfuckers know that the damned media is liberal anyway, so it's redundant listing them) are a bunch of out of touch elitists. The most bizarre of this line was that schmuck impersonating a law professor Instapundit who had the audacity to imply Pope John Paul II, a professor of philosophy and a prolific theologian, was not an intellectual.

What cuntrags. All of them. I especially love the anti-intellectualism; see, if we discard rationality and, well, intellect, it makes it easier for us to just cow to fear, to vote our fucking guts out, and to switch positions every time it's fucking convenient. It's all meant to pander to the worst in every last one of us. How often were "intellectuals" or "liberals" or people from Massachusetts made out to be so fucking different from the rest of us? Somehow those of us in blue states just sit around theorizing and hating America, and we do nothing else, not like those in the real America. Where is the outcry about this? What would've happened if one of us had had the balls to go on about how Texas is so fucking different from the rest of the country and that, well, maybe a good number of us don't particularly want an individual whose base is full of NASCAR-watching rednecks with mullets to be our leader?

It would've been fucking chaos, man. Everyone and their mother would be decrying it and how out of touch and elitist we are. But when it's about actors, liberals, academics, and northeasterners, all of a sudden it's right on the ball.

These guys have got it all backwards. See, the problem isn't that we're out of touch with America. We know people don't always agree with us. And while we get accused of pandering on a daily basis, well, we fucking don't. But these shitheads are out of touch with something. It's the concept of America. It's the idea that, just maybe, we can move past our baser instincts and unite to create something better, using difference to create strength. That's the ideal. And if they were happy just to keep to themselves, ok, fine. But that's not happening.

Here's my problem. I'm pissed because your ignorance is affecting me, and I'm not alone. Yes, ignorance. Don't give me any shit about religion. You have your kids not believing in evolution, hating gays, feeling bitter about minorities and immigrants, and full of general self-loathing. This is stupidity, pure and simple, not "religion." Let's call it what it is.

And they're affecting us. They're crossing into the blue states and electing similar idiots as politicians. They're doing their damnedest to ensure our kids can't get a decently good education, because it might teach them about evolution or what a fucking condom is. I understand many of you guys can't catch a break in this modern economy. Your health care sucks, jobs are being lost. Wages keep dropping. Our collective sense of invulnerabilty keeps getting diminished. That's all understandable. What else is left? Religion. But then that gets twisted by these power-hungry buffoons. You're being brow-beaten into stupidity by other stupid fuckers. I've seen it happen. It's not like you're alone. Then you try to spread your stupidity as much as you can in an effort to make yourself feel better. Again, it's understandable.

But when we respond, it's not "intolerance." You're trying to impose your shit on us. It's that simple. I hate to break it to you, but in the plainest possible terms, "Freedom of religion" DOES mean "freedom from religion." I can't practice my religion freely if I have you thrusting yours in my face like a giant evangelical cock. And no, it's not just your religion. It's all religion. Why is this such a difficult concept?

Let's be clear here. Making the judiciary dependant on the Congress is anti-American. Trying to physically intimdate judges is anti-American. Wanting to take rights away from people simply because of their sexual orientation is anti-American. Trying to put Ten Commandments everywhere is anti-American. This all goes against the very concept of our country. And you know what? You guys might have the power to do all of this and make it American. To change the very idea of this country. And if you do, maybe it'll be for the better. Then it'll be front and center just how backwards we've gone, as opposed to simmering under the surface.

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Not that that's difficult to do.

Tax Day? Almost As Good As Sex

I fucking love the progressive income tax. If the progressive income tax were a human being, I would feel roughly towards it as I do Paul Krugman (who I'm reasonably sure would jump right down into the mud and outrude all of us if he weren't being censored) -- generally very fond, with the occasional deeply felt need to offer a blowjob.

Now, I'm not a damned economist. If you want, you can find them, some of them very good, to give you a nice economic argument on why the progressive income tax is so nice. So unlike some masses of ignorant twerps who have no idea what they're talking about, we here at Uncivil Discourse won't bore you with attempted wonkdom where wonkdom is not fucking warranted. It's really just not in our mission statement.

No, I'm not an economist. But what I am is sick of those right-wing and libertarian asshats who think freedom consists of being able to not pay taxes, own as many guns as you want, and being able to pick on gays, blacks, and Latinos to their heart's content. Now, of course, there are those so-called "moderate" libertarians who don't like that last bit, but they're nothing but fucking enablers for the other shitheads. When they wake up, I'll be the first to welcome them into reality, but hey, given that these simpering idiots have sat there through the late 90s and this administration without snapping out of their delusions as to the true agenda of the Republican Party, I'm not counting on it actually happening. As long as these ingrates keep getting their taxes cut, they're happy.

But I'm not (as you might have guessed). See, as I said, I fucking love the progressive income tax. Who benefits the most from our society? The same rich motherfuckers who have to pay the most taxes. After all, they get the security of not having their places looted by angry mobs and the safety of government-overseen stability when it comes to their investments and other money-making enterprises. They don't have to live in ghettos full of violence and drug use.

So yes, they should pay the most taxes. This seems obvious to everyone except either the most stupidly deranged cunts out there or the most evil ones (see that fuckjob Grover Norquist).

No, I don't have much tolerance for claims that "taxes are a disincentive for wealth." That's like saying having to find comfortable underwear is a disincentive for having a large penis. It's not true at all and makes no sense whatsoever. As the Medium Lobster put it, "Indeed, we all remember the day Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, slouching in their tattered jeans and stained wife-beaters, announced their decision to quit their jobs and wallow in poverty rather than pay the terrible price of living in opulence."

And I especially don't have any patience for those who advocate scrapping the income tax altogether for a national sales tax. I have a very strong desire to carry feeding tubes with me so I can ram it down their throats to prevent their bodies from consuming what little brains they have left. Look, this isn't difficult. A sales tax is regressive. It makes the poor pay more of their income. It raises the prices of essentials like a fucking gallon of milk. The poor already spend almost every last dollar of their miserable little incomes, if they have any.

What is wrong with you people? Why do you incite a strong desire in me to beat you over the head with several books, including a book I'm sure you've never read called On the Wealth of Nations, which contains the sentiment, as given by the Treasury Department in 1916, that

The Committee further explained that the revenue system should be more evenly and equitably balanced and "a larger portion of our necessary revenues collected from the incomes and inheritances of those deriving the most benefit and protection from the Government."


How far back to these motherfuckers want to go? It's definitely past the New Deal, and it's just as certainly past the fucking Progressive Era (I keep waiting for the press conference where Rick Santorum is going to urinate on Upton Sinclair's exhumed remains). Hell, I think they want to go back to good old imperial mercantalism, given their attitudes are clearly pre-Adam Smith. Now all we need is Queen Elizabeth, and the colonies can start pouring in the dough (as opposed to free states like, say, China, which is currently subsidizing our stupid asses) while we gainfully employ those slacker kids I see everywhere.

My rage for these people might just never die.

Later today: I'll post some more on the idiocy and foul-smelling sewage of the anti-intellectual religious right.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Thus quoth Instapundit, "Heh."

This is just one hell of a fucking fabulous comment (by Chucking over at Alicublog, via Atrios:

Personally, I'm getting a little tired of all this making fun of conservatives. When you think about it, they deserve a lot of respect.

First, they have to believe whatever the Bush administration or lesser congressional-type republicans tells them to believe. Yea sure, I know, that sounds like something any idiot could do, but those beliefs often change from day to day and often end up diametrically opposed to what they were the day before. It takes an incredibly agile mind to constantly change core values and beliefs without ever acknowledging the contradictions.

Next, they have to disbelieve absolutely whatever a certain other class of people believe. This includes democrats, independents, moderates, the educated, the scientists, the French, and just about everyone else in the world.

Then to top it all off, every piece of art or entertainment must conform to the daily beliefs, whatever they are, or it must be boycotted, burned, or banished (not stashed under the mattress, no, no, no).

And finally, they have to disbelieve, and disbelieve passionately, easily observable reality. Those people being tortured, they're not feeling any pain. South Park? Karl Rove couldn't have written it any better.

It's not easy being that fucking stupid. It really takes a lot of work. Show some respect, people.


That's just beautiful. It warms my rude little heart.

The problem, of course, is that Chucking is right. The up-is-downism that the dickweeds in the modern Republican Party exhibit is postmodernism run amuck. This goes way beyond Wonderland or that fucking looking glass. Who would've thought the party of "absolute morality" would be the ones to prove Michel Foucault, that French sodomite, right? Absolutely amazing. And in more ways than one: not only is his fucking pomo bullshit being proven right, so is every last word in Discipline and Punish, in no small part thanks to motherfuckers like Gonzales. Says Foucault when considering the disappearance of public torture:

Today we are rather inclined to ignore it; perhaps, in its time, it gave rise to too much inflated rhetoric; perhaps it has been attributed too readily and too emphatically to a process of 'humanization', thus dispensing with the need for further analysis...Punishment of a less immediately physical kind, a certain discretion in the art of inflicting pain, a combination of more subtle, more subdued sufferings, deprived of their visible display, should not all this be treated as a special case, an incidental effect of deeper changes? And yet the fact remains that a few decades saw the disappearance of the tortured, dismembered, amputated body, symbolically branded on face or shoulder, exposed alive or dead to public view. The body as the major target of penal repression disappeared.


It's all intentional. Every last bit of this shit. And look what we know. We know Abu Ghraib. We know Gitmo (where those tribunals seem to working as well as an Edsel). We know Mosul. We know extraordinary rendition. And why do we know these things? Because somebody fucked up. Someone took pictures or talked. And they were punished in most likelihood not for doing the messed up shit they did, but for being dumb enough fucks for it to get out.

So now, what the hell don't we know? Shouldn't that be scaring us way more than anything else that this point? The possibilities just make my brown ass queasy, especially given how many of the poor bastards in these hellholes are apparently not guilty of anything more than any of us.

The deep, dark abyss hasn't just started gazing back at us. It's swallowed our foolish asses whole.

I'm So Weary of Christ

And here of course I don't mean the Christ of the Bible, who I think would be a cool person to chill with. I mean the fucking action-hero Jesus the religious right likes to hoist on all of us in that circus of faith they parade around.

Worst. Circus. Ever.

Here's what I think many of their leaders would like to see -- a nice, large Passion-Christ, nice and beaten and bloody, hanging from the cross, in every building. Hell, in every room. In the Supreme Court, in the White House, in schools, in mosques, in janitorial closets. Then you would understand that this is a Christian country, and goddamnit, you did this to him, so shut the fuck up and do what you're told.

Sigh. I'm glad I wasn't really aware of many of these things during the Reagan years, because I might be feeling some deja vu. What I do know is that these guys are good at hiding their thoughts in secular language. A little too good.

There's the Ten Commandments thing. Now, look, I understand the Ten Commandments is important in Christianity, and thusly in history, but it's not a historical document. The Declaration of Independence is a historical document. The Constitution is a historical document. The Magna Carta is a historical document. When Indiana Jones comes back with the Lost Ark, I will freely agree that the Ten Commandments is a fucking historical document.

Our laws are, quite simply put, not based on the Ten Commandments. For all we know, they don't actually exist as a document outside of being excerpted from the Bible. So what was the deal with backward-ass counties in Kentucky and elsewhere trying to imply that to be the case? And what the fuck is with that Supreme Court frieze?

It's a huge bait and switch. Nothing more, nothing else. The second we admit either it was important in our legal system or that they're a nice historical document, we're opening the floodgates, because they are neither of the two. The Sixth Court of Appeals put it this way: "When distilled to their essence, the courthouse displays demonstrate that Defendants intend to convey the bald assertion that the Ten Commandments formed the foundation of American legal tradition..." And that assertion is a complete load of shit.

But here's the thing. This is just a small part of it. Yes, even Roy Moore's traveling rock show was a small part of it. And even the groups bringing schoolkids and lining up like rednecks off to do some lynching (come on, it's guys like Dixie Rising and the Southern Party of Georgia that are getting in truckbeds to view this) are a small part of it. It's one small piece, but it's one that makes us maybe forget some of the others.

Like that pathetic dickwad of a public school teacher in California who evangelized to his kids in class. Or like the persistant claims that kids are being banned from praying, even to themselves in private, at schools. Or, hell, this particular FOX lie. All in the name of trying to convince us that we are a Christian country, and we've erred in our ways by turning our backs on our true heritage.

But that is just as much a load of bullshit as the claims that the Ten Commandments are a major foundation for our legal system. Is God mentioned in some of the Founding documents? Well, sure, though rather pointedly not in the Constitution (including the amendments). But why is that?

Part of it is that mentioning "God" to yahoos living in cabins in the middle of nowhere is kind of like showing a shiny trinket to a ferret. And the Founders realized they needed that. In particular, Ben Franklin knew that. When Thomas Paine, who had done so much to help the revolutionary cause, wrote his pamphlet Age of Reason, he sent it to Franklin, and that whoremonger warned him "Think how great a portion of mankind consists of weak and ignorant men and women, and of inexperienced, inconsiderate youth of both sexes, who have need of the motives of religion to restrain them from vice, to support their virtue, and retain them in the practice of it till it becomes habitual, which is the great point for its security." And of course, after the pamphlet was published, Paine was abandoned as the Founders and others ran to show just how "Christian" they were. That doesn't sound familiar at all, now does it? No, it's quite plain that in many of the cases, the mention of God was a distraction to placate the public.

Bread and circuses, man, bread and circuses. Tax cuts and fundamentalism. The Bush administration paying lip service to "Christian" values is a circus. The whole lot of them, the raving lunatic clowns James "Dog-Beater" Dobson, Chuck "Sodomized for Nixon" Colson, Jerry "Oedipus Complex" Falwell, and Pat "White People's Votes Just Gotta Count For More" Robertson, they'd make Barnum & Bailey proud. And it's a small piece of it all, because while they dance for us, while we focus on their issues, there's a world being destroyed around it.

Let's not forget that. Rebuff them, and don't stop, but it doesn't end, or even begin, there. It's all a big superficial circus we can't get to caught up in, even this "Justice Sunday" circlejerk. It's there, and we have to deal with it, but it's like a herpes cold sore.

And if Rambo Jesus really does have nothing better to do than to try to get some judges appointed to the Supreme Court, maybe we have bigger problems on our hands after all.

Jesus Loves The Little Wingnuts, But I Sure Don't

I hate the religious right.

No, it's not just a distaste for what they believe or how they go about it. See, I've had to deal with these motherfuckers my entire life...in school, on the school bus, on sports teams, and so on. It never fucking ends. Hell, it never BEGAN, it just always was. I've been spat on, I've had these pro-life assholes try to block me from entering a building, from letting me see Dogma, to attempted conversions, to hearing them go on about "the gays." I've been prayed for, I've been yelled at, I've been told I'm going to hell. Fuck, several of my exes, who were rather wingbatish Catholics, broke up with me for that reason. I even had one of these bitches tell me to my face "But you're such a good person...how can you be a pagan?"

They talk about love a whole lot, but these folks wouldn't know love if it bit them in the ass. It's hate mistaken for love. Blind hate. Nothing short of it.

The stories could go on and on. Because I'm brown, because I'm clearly not Christian, because I'm involved with various groups, these motherfuckers decide I need to be given a talking to, or perhaps just some of their spittle.

"But these guys aren't representatives of all Christians!" you might respond. I fucking understand that. It's not that difficult to. But you know what? My saying "I have friends that are good Christians, who are polite and tolerant and so on" is, well...look at how that shit just started. Now suppose it was "I have friends that are black!" or "I have friends that are gay!" It's bullshit.

It's the same thing, man. I'm clearly not talking about all Christians or all religions. I'm talking about those evangelical assholes who have decided the term "Christian" should refer to only them. You know it, and so do I, so let's just skip past this phase.

And it does't matter where they are. They're all the same. I've met them in New York, in Illinois, in Pennsylvania, in Georgia, in Michigan, in California, as well as in Washington. They're all the same breed. They don't stop. And they're so full of hate and shit it's coming out their anuses. They're smug. Hell, sure, I can be as condescending as the next person, but these motherfuckers just know they know better than us, because the Holy Spirit is in their hearts, and that's not something any evidence or argumentation can deal with.

They're also the rats that will jump off the ship they're helping sinking while the rest of us go down with it, because they're the fucking chosen people. And if you ask me, what they and their leaders need to be chosen for is a good, hard, sodomization, for the good of the country. These guys are vile. Jesus may save, but his self-appointed prophets are motherfuckers. They spread disease and hate. And, well, they have to be destroyed, because they won't stop. If Roe v. Wade is overturned, shit, they'll find some other cause to leap on. If we outlaw homosexuality, it won't be enough. They won't be content until we destroy every last thing that makes this country great, be it separation of church and state, independence of the judiciary, freedom of religion, and so on. And if they were reading this, they'd smile and nod in their delusional way, because they know that fundamentally the problem here is that I won't let Jesus into my heart. And they'll prance around, their penises inflating with every passing day that the cocksuckers in the Bush administration are in power, shoving their mighty evangelical dicks, erect with the power of "moral values" in all of our faces.

And it's all over, man. It just won't stop. Their reach is extending. And it's all because of repressed homosexuals like James Dobson and Jerry Falwell, whose own lives are so fucking pitiful and miserable they have to bring the rest of us down. These guys supported apartheid, ignored (or even praised) AIDS, and, shit, decided the Republican Party was the one true party of God. They're nothing but scum, if I hadn't made that clear before. They profess to be full of God's love, but they know absolutely nothing but hate for those who are different.

And in the late 90s, were't we almost free of them? It seems that way. Then came the Clinton impeachment and 9/11, which gave these dickwads a whole new lease on life. Monica Lewinsky and Osama bin Laden are the best things that happened to these ingrates, these insipid specimens. But at least now we have the balls to take them on, and a good number of us understand just how deep their shit runs. And it's all because of people like Larry Flynt, who exposed Falwell in the late 80s for the shitmonger he really is. He, James Dobson, and the like, are nothing but bitches. But before they were willing just to get used by politicians. Now they're coming for theirs.

Oh, we know these people are full of shit. But maybe of us are content just to roll our eyes and go on our ways, because we're certainly not anti-Christian. Fuck that. In the sense that these guys are Christian, I'm definitely anti-Christian, just as I'm anti-isolationism. It's the same fucking thing. Their Christianity is a political, superficial one that's an embarassment to all good Christians, no, to good people of all religions. They give the very notion of "religion" a bad name.

Michelle Malkin: Queen of the Wingnuts

Michelle gets the title because, really, we here at Uncivil Discourse aren't sure that Ann Coulter is female, cunt though she may be.

Michelle Magalangadingdong's been talking recently about some shirts that are up at Cafe Press. Some jackass decided it would be a good idea to put up some gear for sale that endorsed killing the president. Even considering that these are, well, fucking t-shirts, that's not that cool. But you know, whatever. They're shirts. To Michelle, though, being the twit she is, this is a sign of some greater pathology with what she dubs the "pro-assassination left." Michelle says:

And before the "everybody does it" apologists pooh-pooh this lunatic anti-Bush merchandise: There's tasteless political paraphernalia on both sides of the aisle, but I've already searched and there are currently no "Kill Kerry" products, blood-spattered or otherwise, being sold at Cafe Press.

No, you short-sighted douchebag, but there is this. And this. But that's not comparable. After all, Bush is President Wing Commander, and these are just some liberal schmucks. Oh, and Hillary.

The Bush gear, though, has been removed. See, it turns out some motherfuckers made some calls to Cafe Press. In these calls were contained death, bomb, and even anthrax threats. Michelle attributes the removal of the items to the success of blogs, saying "Blogs get results: The "Kill Bush" products first reported here and publicized on scores of blogs big and small, have been removed."

Well, if what Michelle means by "results" is "getting ass-scratching members of the lunatic fringe to call in death threats like the bed-wetting insane cowards they are," then yes, blogs do seem to have had some results here.

And of course, we're the pro-assassination ones. See, what this cuntrag is convenient ignoring is, well, the assassination threats to Michael Schiavo and Judge Greer, Eric Rudolph, and that little *wink**wink**nudge*nudge* act John Cornyn did when he said "All you judicial motherfuckers had better calm down and start ruling our way, because while I'm not threatening you, well, we can't PROTECT you, either, if you know what I'm saying." And of course, we're not the ones calling in death threats over a fucking t-shirt and some buttons. Ah, projection...

It's absolutely amazing how little these folks are even trying for the appearance of consistency anymore. You used to be able to rely on that, if absolutely nothing else. Now I think their "strategy" (if you can call is one of just confusing the fuck out of all of us, because we can't get an orientation. This is just driving me fucking insane trying to keep track of what's going on. But it's easier if you keep in mind that they're like a young George W. Bush behind the wheel of a car: just swerving all over, stumbling home, posing a huge threat to our safety.

This is a great alliance the Republican Party has going. You've got your token "moderates" like that scum-sucking poser John McCain, who is never allowed to claim the moral high ground on anything else ever again after voting for Alberto "Secretary of Detainee Ass-Raping" (nice work, catholic_girl!) Gonzales and the ever opportunistic Arlen Specter, who's the first to run to the right during a primary and the first to get on his knees when his position's threatened. Add to that some Congressional wingnut action like the Bugman and Senators Dogfucker and Cat-Butcher, sprinkle with a dash of assorted wingnutia with Michelle, Adam's Apple Annie, garnish with repressed homosexuals like James Dobson and Chuck "I Discovered God while being Sodomized For Richard Nixon's Sins" Colson, and you've got your Republican salad. That's it. That's their party. No wonder assholes like Bush are their most prominent spokespeople. Who else do they have to choose from?

Friday, April 15, 2005

Name That Motherfucker

If I had to pick one word to describe most of the major individuals in the Bush Administration, it would be "motherfucker." See, they're all there. Paul Wolfowitz is a motherfucker. Donald Rumsfeld is a motherfucker. Michael Chertoff is a huge motherfucker. John Bolton is a motherfucker to end all motherfuckers. John "Death Squad" Negroponte? Not a bigger motherfucker in the house.

So in light of this keen observation, I've decided we should have a little game. It's called "Name That Motherfucker" (here I steal shamelessly from s.z. over at World O'Crap and her "Name The Wingnuts"). I'll give descriptions and quotes from each of our motherfuckers of the week, and you can guess who the fuck these shitheads are. See, I feel it's important we know who it is we're dealing with here, given how much damage these schmucks are doing left and right. Anyway, prizes will be given for correctly naming each motherfucker. This week we'll only have two, but in the future, we should have more!

1) This motherfucker might be a little more obscure, since he's an economist. He's sometimes at Harvard, often times fucking over the rest of us. Now this motherfucker claims President Clinton was a supporter of "privatizing" (read: destroying) Social Security. According to him, liberal arguments against this "privatization" are merely "less elegant paraphrases" of Karl Marx. During the campaign, in one of his less motherfucker-y moments, he said "I think outsourcing is a growing phenomenon, but it's something that we should realize is probably a plus for the economy in the long run."

2) This motherfucker is quite possibly the motherfucker I have the most hostility towards. Opposition to him earlier this year was attributed by the more shit-stained members of the Senate to him being Hispanic. He's one of Bush's possee from Texas, where he was a judge, and he's been talked about as a potential Supreme Court nominee (which would certainly add to the motherfucker quotient of that body...Scalia and Thomas just ain't enough). In Texas, this motherfucker hid information from Governor Bush when informing him about clemency requests. Currently this motherfucker is stalling the Valerie Plame investigation despite publicly claiming he "thinks" it is moving forward, adding the CIA to the list of people he's shat on, which includes any number of detainees.

And as a bonus, who is this description of:

In her books, [wingnut] can be erudite and persuasive, as when [he/she] exposes the left's chronic softness on communism. But [his/her] signature is [his/her] gleeful willingness to taunt liberals and Democrats, to say out loud what some other conservatives dare only think--that Bill Clinton is a "horny hick," for example, and his wife "pond scum."


Here's an example of this wingnut's "erudite and persuasive" writing:

Liberals have a preternatural gift for striking a position on the side of treason. You could be talking about Scrabble and they would instantly leap to the anti-American position. Everyone says liberals love American, too. No they don't. Whenever the nation is under attack, from within or without, liberals side with the enemy. This is their essence.


Truly someone after a motherfucker's heart.

Edit: I think I'd also be interested to see some creative nicknames for these schmucks. So feel free, please, even if you think someone else has already gotten them.

I write a letter

Bad Catholic pointed me to this Times story about how, with their direct line to Jesus, the Republicans have decided that the thought that preoccupies the mind of our Savior is "I needs to be getting my Chosen One's judges appointed, for they art blessed" for some shit like that. He's also readying to smite some Democrats for oppressing his people and player hating.

Sure, I could go on about this "Justice Sunday", about how James Dobson is as deep in the closet as a 3 year old pair of purple shoes, and about how the filibuster probably does not in fact makes baby Jesus cry (unlike pretty much everything else if you listen to these jackasses). But, well, the Rude Pundit beat me to it. So instead, in the manner of The General I decided to write Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, last seen slicing open some cats in the same of Christian science, a letter.

Majority Leader Bill Frist, MD
United States Senate

Dear Dr. Majority Leader Frist,

You cuntlicking, cat-butchering, fearmongering jackass, you! Oh, I'm just kidding. Some of these motherfuckers will in turn call you a motherfucker (since in the style of argumentation you're so familiar with, it "takes one to know one," which is why all the Republicans were so confused when John Kerry mentioned Mary Cheney being gay). Actually, I would be one of those motherfuckers, but I agree, nobody should have to choose between being a judge and being loved by the Lord.

But here's the thing. Your boy Tony Perkins said "They are being blocked because they are people of faith and moral conviction. These are people whose only offense is to say that abortion is wrong or that marriage should be between one man and one woman." And all of us, bitches and otherwise, agree that that's wrong (at least to bust out the filibuster). But so is the statement; most of these judges were blocked for refusing to fucking answer questions about anything, or for having expressed support for segregationists and favoring corporations over people. Now while this may seem like the most unbelievably unjust and tyrannical thing this side of Wisconsin proposing a cat-killing law to you, it's, well, not, you pandering cuntface.

Now I understand you and yours have a direct connection with the desires of Jesus, who clearly has judicial reform at the top of his agenda. I'm pretty sure it's in the Book of Shit You Pulled Out Of Your Ass that "Blessed are the judges, for they shall impose my will on all you hos, so back the fuck up." And I understand that in the grand tradition of doing away with tools you used against Bill Clinton, you want to remove the filibuster from the Democratic arsenal. But really, I think we know what this is about, first and foremost: you want to be president. You feel the judge debate needs more Jesus because, well, right now it doesn't have any. This isn't really being hidden at all.

You're all a bunch of whiny, cynical bitches, aren't you? You're getting your ass kicked on the filibuster issue. Next I expect to see Jesus brought out in the Social Security debate. Otherwise, you'll have lost a step, man.

Seriously, though, who do you think you're getting from this? This is completely insipid and insigificant. Do you think anyone who listens to child-beater Dobson isn't on your side already? Or is this just a big circle-jerk to boost morale? I have a hard time tell with you schmucks. It's not even worth the time to bring out statistics about how often the filibuster's been used or to delve into the far-reaching implications of what you're trying to do. The only thing you're worth is being spit on.

You can all go fuck yourselves. You'll have plenty of time to do it in a few years the way you're going.

Sincerely Yours,

Uncivil Discourse.

Republicans Piss All Over Us, Case # 5326

I promised facts and hard-hitting, rude coverage of issues, as well as personal attacks in my first post! Thus, we here at Uncivil Discourse bring you the fucking non-issue of the day. By that I mean an issue that wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for the sniveling, simpering, slimy bootlicking shitmongers this blog is focused towards.

So I see all those motherfuckers in the House passed the bankruptcy bill last night. If there's been a more evil piece of legislation in my lifetime, I don't fucking remember it. The same end could've been reached by a bill reading "Visa card representatives have the legal right to break into your home, rape your wife for 20 minutes, and hit you in the face with a lead pipe; they are also be allowed to fuck you on the street at their desire while your children are forced to watch."

Good lord, it's that specific.

The gist of this piece of absolute shit (which as a symbolic statement, I would use as toilet paper if given the opportunity) is that it sprays bodily fluids (you pick which one, it's got one of those guns that can do any) on people filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Now most people who file for Chapter 7 are, well, poor. They don't have assets that can be liquidated and distributed to creditors. As of right now, Chapter 7 filings are 72% of non-business bankruptcy filings. 72 percent. That's a massive number, like the elephant penis the Republican collective in Congress wishes it had so it could swing it around, clubbing those who don't make over $1 million a year on the head. And it's because the other option, Chapter 13, puts you on a repayment plan where you have 5 years to pay off the addressed debts.

Remember now that our economy DEPENDS on making poor and middle class people go into debt. It's the gas that runs the entire engine of our vacuum of a system.

And now with your income above some arbitrary line, you'd have to go into Chapter 13, letting your creditors sodomize you with a plunger in the ruins of the house they've seized, since even if some creditors were denied by the original judgment, they can contest it. There's absolutely no distinction as to the debt, motherfuckers, absolutely none, which is what reveals this law to be as evil as it is. It doesn't matter if you went on a shopping spree or you had to put your kids through college, or if, say, your all but brain-dead wife has to be kept on a feeding tube for 15 years. No, motherfucker, you couldn't afford it, and now you have to pay. You don't even get the chance of merely having your credit run through steaming coals.

It should of course be noted here that this bill lets the rich walk away. No, this is nothing but class warfare. There's not even a justification for this other than some weak-toed babble about how personal bankruptcy bills are being "abused." The appropriate analogy here is that abuse of the banking system by money launderers means no one should be able to use banks, or that because some people drive drunk, nobody should be able to get driver's licenses. It doesn't happen often. At all. The percentage is ridiculously low.

They can't even make up some phony religious justification for this, like they can with discrimination against homosexuals. This is a law that in its simplest terms says "The rich are good, you are bad." If you're poor, it's because you're lazy and immoral and you cannot be trusted. It's like we were sucked into a world of Horatio Alger, a world where having a soul gives you a weekly paycheck. This is quite possibly crueler than any law in our history than the Fugitive Slave Act, and maybe even moreso than that, thinking about historical context and all. At least someone at some time went crazy and thought other acts were good for national security, etc. There's none of this here.

Look at the efforts to soften the bill that were rejected: attempts to raise the minimum wage, to cap interest at 30% (disappointing all the loan sharks out there, I'm sure), and shielding those who filed for medical reasons. There's no pretense of fairness here. They're just defecating on the unrich collectively.

It's a huge sop to those drug dealers known as credit card companies. That's what a credit card is, isn't it? It's a crack pipe on an installment plan. All these motherfuckers are depraved wads of crap who prey on the not so affluent like Ann Coulter feeds on the blood of Young Republicans. When the revolution comes, these asshats aren't going to be the first up against the wall if there's any justice, they'll be eaten, and so will their enablers in Congress. And who exactly are they?

Well, there's the entire Republican Party. In both Houses. Big surprise, I'm sure.

Then there are those insipid excuses for Democrats who should be flogged publicly for penance while they are spat on by legions of the poor. Who are they? Well, it's easier to list the ones who are at least clinging to some semblence of principle in the Senate: Akaka, Boxer, Feinstein, Schumer, Kennedy, Kerry, Reed, Rockefeller, Murray, Corzine, Lautenberg, Feingold, Levin, Obama, Durbin, Sarbanes, Mikulski, Lieberman (trust me, I'm as shocked as you are), Dodd, Leahy, Dorgan, Wyden, Harkin, Cantwell, and Dayton. They should all be commended, even if you're not their constituent. And all those other motherfuckers should be met with nice primary challenges when their term is up. Then there's Jim Jeffords, who decided it would be nice to be the credit card company's bitch. (Hillary Clinton can be spared spitting on, too...she missed the vote due to her husband needing surgery).

And in the House, 125 Dems and Bernie Sanders voted "Nay." The list is here if you decide you want to congratulate your Congressman or declare a vendetta against him.

It's about time we started thinking about how to respond to such barbarity, because this is the beginning. Medical "reform," tort "reform," and other metaphorical sodomizations of the notion of fairness are coming up the pike. So what do we do now?

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Adam's Apple Annie is...

Ok, so first things first. I need help with a suitable description for Ann Coulter, who is, contrary to public belief, not a cuntface or a cuntrag, just a cunt.

See, the problem is the Rude Pundit already has a series called "Why Ann Coulter is a Cunt," and I certainly don't want to cramp the Rude One's style. But other phrases just don't seem to match Annie, her Adam's Apple, and her hands the way "cunt" does. So, let's have our first Uncivil Discourse contest! Fill in the blank: "Ann Coulter is a ..." And if any of you bitches works in Coulter's vampire-like tendencies, waifishness, or Adam's Apple, you get bonus points.

Now, as to why I'm bringing up this worthless piece of humanity, who, if there were a just God, would have shriveled up and died long before we'd heard of her. Recall this is the woman who wrote a book called Slander, which is rather analogous to Bernie Goldberg writing one called Arrogance.

In any case, this half-human, half-female dog seems to be upset about getting pies thrown at her. Apparently being pied is getting "sucker punched" (which makes me wonder what the salad dressing bukkake, as a commentor at World O'Crap put it, Pat Buchanan got is). Oh, but Ann didn't just get sucker punched:

I was physically attacked this year. I hear MoveOn.org has a bounty for anyone who throws a pie in my face. Neither of those guys hit me. I think one is still in prison. It is a funny thing, that they ended up in prison—enjoying the benefits of gay marriage.


Ah, yes. Prison rape jokes. How throughly appropriate for a woman who can probably only get laid if she promises her victims they can violently penetrate her ass with a Coke bottle. Good lord, how disgusting is this person? There's nothing funny about prison rape, and the accompanied high risk of HIV infection, unless your mind is as soggy as a freshly used condom.

For some reason, Ann seems practically giddy at the thought of two men having unprotected anal sex. I think those blonde-hair chemicals have finally seeped into that wet sponge one might refer to as her "brain" and are inducing pornographic fantasies involving gay sex and domination of liberals. I can just see her wet dreams now. The young, brash liberal getting dominated by the strong, masculine white supremacist, who teaches him the errors of his ways...and the ways of love.

See, that has a better plot than most porn. I think we have a new career path for the Appled one. Certainly it would be better for us than what she's doing now; reading her writing is as tedious, painful, and futile as trying to fuck her while not impaling yourself on her hip bones, given the woman's never met a hyperbole she wouldn't suck on like her mother's nipple.

Oh god, I think I just had a horrible mental image. Damn you, Coulter!

Edit: Speaking of batshit insanity and getting sucker punched by pies, Sadly, No! has a post on D-Ho (Brad's nickname for that small-dicked savior of academia, David Horowitz...and Brad, I'm horribly jealous I didn't come up with that). Here's a question: If we locked the vampire corpse of Coulter and the bloated ego of Horowitz in an electrified cage for a fight to the death, who would win?

I think the answer is either "no one" or "everyone" depending on if we let the winner out of the cage or not. Maybe it would even unleash the zombie Nixon on all of us, what with their combined defensiveness, combativeness, and paranoia. Such arcane rituals are probably ultimately all these motherfuckers are good for. They're both definitely on the "pee on" list. Talk about people with nothing to say who insist you listen to them anyhow...